When he was eight years old, already identifying as a part of the LGBTQ community, my son could not understand why it upset his grandfather to hear him identify as gay. I explained that his grandfather was just scared for him. This of course necessitated an explanation.
"Why would he be scared for me?"
"Because people sometimes really hate gay people. Like the way they used to hate Black people."
"Like Martin Luther King Jr.?"
"Yup."
"They killed him. Do people want to kill gay people?"
How does a mother answer that question?
In my opinion, one must tell the truth.
"Yes, some people do. There was a gay politician named Harvey Milk who fought for gay rights, and someone murdered him, just like Martin Luther King."
"Do people still want to kill gay people?"
"Um... yeah, some, but mostly it's getting a lot better. It's getting so much better."
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| Castro memorial - June 12 |
So how do I explain this???
I believed it when I said it. That it was getting better. I am an optimistic person. There is no way, two years ago, that I could have possibly known that the worst LGBTQ violence in our history was yet to come. And a man was arrested in Santa Monica on his way to LA Pride. And there is no evidence that the two were tied together in anyway. It's not one isolated incident of awfulness. It is evidence of a resurgence of hate.
Hate that could cost my son his life. It hurts. So. Bad.
We are pulse. As a mother, I know the fear. I know that all those victims have moms who have cried tears of fear that someday someone's illogical hate for their child, based on just who they love, would result in pain . And they probably have relaxed over the years and started to think, "It's okay. It's getting better. But here it is.
I love my son as who he is, and his trailblazing childhood confidence as an out gay kid has made me a better person. If I could pray a prayer and make him straight again, I would not ever do it.
I want so badly to just be 100% okay with my son being gay.
But I am never going to be okay with knowing that people want to kill my son just for who he is.
I don't know if that will ever stop hurting.
